I may have to take a break soon

I just got another kidney stone pain strike me down today during a dungeon run where I have to kidnap DumbOx to tank for me.
I have got kidney stone before I got into high school. For so many years, it keeps remind me how fragility life can be. Each time, it happens, it's an experience worse than death. Honestly, I thought many time to end it once and for all by kill myself during such agony. But, I got through as you can find me still alive right now. I have taken 3 surgeries before. My body is currently in a very messed up condition. And, there is another surgery planned which will be a huge one that may take over months to carry out. Just in case, it will take very long time before I can come back again. I think I shall just write down this post as an evidence that I have lived this life.

About my life which I've not have a chance to really introduce myself.
I could have been dead 14 years ago as I used to have family problem. I ran away from home, that day there were explosion and blood. Memories are quite vague as doctor told me my brain refuses to recall what happened back them. But, somehow I went back to school, became a top but naughty student. I can easily conquer all the exams. But, I enjoy helping others to cheat during exams, doing their homework, cover-up all our rebels to the education system of China which I consider it as tyranny to force people into brainless zombies. I teamed up my classmates, played warcraft tournament in local cyber cafe and won prize which is illegal in China, because everyone below 18 years old are not allowed to even just step into cyber cafe. But, that's my high school self. A combine of rebel and good student.
And then, it's just normal that I got into a top university, got 2 bachelor degrees and a master degree, enrolled in a university in USA and got another master degree.
I love gaming, design and develop games. I joined a local indie game studio which is also technically illegal when I was in high school. Thus, after, I graduated. I got into one of the biggest mobile game company's studio in New York. I made one of their most profitable mobile games there. But, this part is still in NDA. It feels so good until...
Then, the kidney stone forced me back to China to get affordable medical treatment. Good bye free world. And since then, I got locked behind the Great Firewall, unable to play TSW for about 3 years.
I kept doing crazy things, joined a few start up companies. I helped one of them raise totally more than 10 million dollars. Everyone loves VR back then... Yet, it didn't end well. As the market of VR is so small, the company can hardly make any profit after burned out all that amount of money.
As such, I "retired" from game industry. My family offered me an armistice agreement. My old man wants to take over his business as a lawyer. I agreed but with my own agenda... I want to be a defense lawyer helping those who are considered as criminals by the government.
Why?
Because I want to protect minority as I have been minority in many different situations. In USA, I am minority as I am a Chinese. In China, I am minority because I believe democracy more than the Party. In game industry and gaming, I am minority because my age, gender and other things...But, I usually will not correct people as I just want to be treated equally.
Many people are considered criminals just because they don't want to be politically correct which means to love the party in China, just because they have different ideology and value of life which can be condemned by others here. They are hopeless as almost nobody will want to fight them against the tide of majority....
The most fascinating part of my life is...however... I am still in my 20s. I have done so many things that others may not have a chance to do in their entire life while people in my age may still in university working on their first master degree.
But...will that just be my delusion? Maybe it's still 14 years ago... Maybe I am still in coma of that accident... Maybe all those are just my delusions.
Please remember me. I want proofs that I have lived....that I am real....

I have this game to thank. I have met and made friends with lots of people to know that this life is real.
I want to say thanks to many people. But, please forgive me if I missed you in this list... I am weakened by my illness... My brain is not working very functional right now as it's under the influence of pain killers.

Thanks to my old TSW cabal Order of Pie. People like buffysummer, nikkes (sorry if I did remember the name correctly), amber-light.....
I don't know what happened out there when I was forced to leave TSW... But, I appericate all those lair runs and the most friendly Templar cabal out there. 😝

Thanks to Pyre that I can still find a friend I know in SWL after I can break through the Great Firewall to play this game again. And ultimately joined ODO.

Thanks to Quinotaur. No matter what happens, you are a nice person. Don't let anything change that. I still remember your help in Kaidan parking lot where we made a group with joe to get lores and achievements. You helped me to get heal gears.

Thanks to TS, putting together all those NYR and for the first time I learned the existence of sustain tank. And...more of our conversation.

Thanks to panda for being my pet. 😝

Thanks to Graf/Endashi/Tai/Glythas/Touka for the dungeons, raids, lairs...everything.... Especially Endashi for being quite thinkful and as a penguin. :>

Thanks to Maeb for gift me the blade that I can now use it to solo e4 dungeons.

Thanks to everyone in ODO... Sometimes, I think this is a family I missed in my life.... Someone mentioned something like Cayr as a mom, TS as a daddy, Grumpy as grandma, Zera is like my twin sister(We both enjoy programming, doing crazy things, somehow insane in other people's eyes) ... 😝

Thanks to Molov for being the leader of weekly NYR and patiently guided me through all the mechanics.
Thanks to Levsky and Grumpy to make the introduce.
Thanks to Zinan for the poops.
Thanks to Pel for the shotgun builds.
Thanks to Myrieth....I find myself somehow wants to hear you blame more one day...if I get locked in hosptial...
Thanks to chicken for the videos that I can study after raid...
Thanks to everyone in the raid group...

Thanks to my kidnap victims...
Ungaikyo, Slimm, Stickdeath, O-hara, MiroXO, Sonic, tinytot, inhead, havox2, shibe and many more...
One day I may have to stop tanking for you because my healthy condition... But, I always love you and thanks for all those dungeon runs...

Special thanks to DumbOX
For all those e10 full runs.
For chaos dps build.
For all those maths and theorycrafting for sustain tanks
For willingly got kidnapped and join as tank when I am slacking....

Thanks to people in LoMS, such as Alex, WinterOwl, Elal, Music, Kadel, queex, maddie and much much much more... where my alts can always find people to join NYR and lairs...
Thanks to my Russia friends in BlackJack: miseareal, takemedeath, dirtydream. We had some very great runs.
Thanks to people in agnito, people in Twin Peaks, people in Prisoners of Fate, people in Nine Swords... so many different cabals write all their history in this world, sharing great memories with me when we cross....

Thanks to people in Faust, WHO, Crits who are the most powerful heros in this world that can defeats any darkness that may come to this world...and maybe support funcom financially more than any others... Thanks to Blue-haired for that too. 😀

Thanks to people that may left the game but I shared great memory:
Fattyoil, whose cabal is the entire server. Thanks to all those dungeon and regional runs....
Cthulhuspawn, DevoR is still waiting for you...
Bevis, Thanks for all the tanking in e1 to e5 when our power were not so strong.
Keldris, for all those lairs.
Joel, for just being so helpful and friendly to almost everyone.
Lacrima, for the tankings and that machine pet :>
Cere, for all the elemental aoe and that tank gadget you give me.
Kals, for happily helping tanking lairs and dungeons.

.....
There are certainly much more people I have missed. But, just you know I love you all...
I don't want to leave this world that I spent 3 years to break the great firewall to get back into...
I want to play it till the very end. I like funcom's statement as they are:
"We’ve been making games for over 24 years. We’ve had our ups and downs. We’ve celebrated success and we’ve endured failure. We’ve been on the battlefield and we’ve earned our battle-scars."

As my life is also just like a battle like that....(There are much more behind my exciting life. And kidney stone is just one of them....)
I may have to fade away from it for now because I'm going to take more medical treatment...
But, I will do my best to return again after the surgery...
Please keep it going so that I can have a place to return to when I get back...

I love you all...

I will keep this post update till one day that I may not be able to...
I will fight it...

just logged in to say that you were a great person to know and i hope you get well soon. pm me anytime if you need someone to talk to

Best wishes Keeper

First surgery period will be from April 25 to April 30... Much earlier than expected. More will follow....
They are going to plant lots of "Double J stents" inside me >.

The entire process is planned to take over 9 months... Much longer than expected...
Currently, I am mostly on bed if not doing all the medical tests......
The painkiller is making me in somewhere between alive and undead....

Best of luck and get well

Back from hospital for now... doctors still have disagreement about treatment, surgery methods and who will....open my body....
I have no idea why....But... I just feel very very sleepy every day..... not sure if that's just painkiller.... uraemia also causes sleepy....it's kinda confusion and worrysome.... hopefully I'm not at that stage yet....

I did a lair today.....so....I guess....things are not so bad....yet....

ha you make it seem like i am pining for spawn 🙂) hard not to get the feels when reading through some of those names, hope you make a speedy recovery so i dont have to miss you too much as well.

in the meantime get plenty of rest, we are only a computer away ~

I'm having trouble to breath since last weekend...
Today feels quite awful... Doctors claim it's just normal rhinitis happens in a bad time....

But other than that, I feel much better today 😀
But still unable to burn all the keys...need more sleep XD

I found the doctors certainly have something hidden from me...
When I asked "How long do I need to stay in hosptial during 2nd surgery?"
One of them replied "You may leave right away. That's not a big one."
Then I asked "But, according to your plan, I will need to replace first batches of stents inside of my body...that can take awhile..."
Then...there was an awful silence....
And then another doctor replied "We will figure it out.it depends...many facts... Actually, if you take the surgery in hospital A, it may take 1 or 2 days. If you take the surgery in hospital B, then it may take a week or so..."
"Wait....same surgery different period of time in hospital? Why?"
Then....they never replied anything.....

<.

Anyway, I'm going to join cabal's NYR E5 today. It will likely be my last NYR before get locked into hospital again. >.>
Just...hope...it will not be the last in my life....

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles Keeper. I can only wish you the best in dealing with this.
I hope you can get better soon. You are a good person, and deserve better than this.
It was a pure please knowing you ingame. I hope one day you can return.

再见,
Quinotaur

PS
非常感谢你, for your kind words about me. 🙂

I think I just survived another day...
I'm not sure if they need so much of my blood to run medical tests or feed vampires or summon elder gods by blood ritual or create an army of clone of me or something.
My left arm feels like it's going to broken if they keep doing this....

The surgery will be on Wednesday morning. I may be on total radio silence during next a few days after that...(But...I should be back to post something during the weekend if anything goes well...)
After quite a few debts, medical university professors won over military doctors (I put them all together to this raid...)
Thus, the treatment method is now confirmed...

I will likely be locked on bed only able to play some Talisman or Hearthstone(if wifi is stable) if my hands are free and my phone has power

Hope everything goes smoothly for you 🙂

Keeper, I'm a surgery nurse in the USA. If you have any questions about your surgery, or why surgeons do what they do, feel free to PM me with your questions. Doctors are often not good at explaining things in terms that lay-people can understand, and sometimes there are things that your doctors don't want to tell you because it will just scare you for no good reason. Nurses are a little bit better with patient teaching and I'm happy to help explain anything that's worrying you--or at least let you know when it's time to demand more answers from the doctors.

Also, a helpful hint for dealing with doctors--write your questions down before the doctor arrives, then make sure you ask them all those questions while they're standing there with you. Most patients get so stressed before surgery that all their questions go right out of their heads when the doctor arrives, then they remember them only after the doctor is gone. It's also a good idea to write the answers down. I can't tell you how many time's I've answered the same questions the doctor did, because the patient was so stressed that they forgot what was said ten minutes ago 😀

I think I just survived the first one.
I can still feel quite pain when moving... But, they told me I will recover naturally as long as I don't do anything crazy like....wait... did funcom just announce an unlimited week....awwww..... >.>

I had internal bleeding after surgery, got put through a very awful treatment and missed most part of unlimit week.... Just for the record >.>

May 5th.... large amount of bleeding, solved by even large amount of water in-take and terrible things I force myself to do....
I didn't go to hospital this time. It's horrible there. >.>

I hope this resolves itself soon for you. Keeping you in my thoughts for getting better.