• Retired 1103 posts
    Nov. 11, 2015, 11:01 a.m.

    I've had a good long think about the game, and following some Cabal conversations THIS is what we need:

    Cookies as Food! We have none. Zip, nada, sweet FA. This situation is intolerable! Please please please Funcom give us Cookies! I sugguest + 10% Cookie Rate - 10% run speed. Peace will break out IF we get this necessary addition, I'm sure of it. So please sign this petition and we will hopefully get some action on this. Cookies will be the final factor in what is a brilliant game.

    I have already received some in game support, they sent me their blessings as follows:

    i1383.photobucket.com/albums/ah281/iceneuro/More%20ODO/TemplarCookie%20png%20crop_zpsdwx6aocd.png

    i1383.photobucket.com/albums/ah281/iceneuro/More%20ODO/illuminati%20Cookie%20png%20crop_zpsfe7gsakr.png

    i1383.photobucket.com/albums/ah281/iceneuro/More%20ODO/Dragon%20Cookies%20PNG_zpsrb9suzvt.png

    Please consider my proposal, We are not alone!

    Best Respects, HolloPoint.

  • Retired 920 posts
    Nov. 11, 2015, 2:55 p.m.

    I hear ya! But cookies are just shallow shadows of glorious CAKE!

  • Retired 1103 posts
    Nov. 11, 2015, 5:20 p.m.

    This is true, I'd rather have my cake and eat it, but, but the versatility of the humble cookie outweighs any consideration of cake over cookie:

    1. If you sitting down for a munch after killing countless Vampires in Transylvania the likelihood of cake surviving such an ordeal and be in suitable condition for consumption is low. I wish it were otherwise, but extensive field testing has proven this 🙁

    2. Cookies go well with Coffee, another Funcom fuel, and are generally easier to wolf down in a tight situation.

    3. Cookies are better Trail Food. Have you ever heard of "Trail Cake"? No but "Trail Biscuits" are long known in history.

    I don't just have a (Chocolate) Chip on my shoulder over this, I have already had submissions from Orochi Laboratories for design and packaging the best of which I can now reveal!

    i1383.photobucket.com/albums/ah281/iceneuro/More%20ODO/orochewies%20PNG_zpsmsydx7s7.png

    Hopefully there will be more information on how we proceed to Funcom with this, the submissions keep coming.

    I will keep you all up to date, but, please, Sign up for Cookies for Funcom!!!

  • Retired 1103 posts
    Nov. 11, 2015, 11:08 p.m.

    This just in:

    The glorious Filth Poul Psy-chopompman and Barf Speilunckle formed up for a one off gig on top of Orochi tower!! They dedicated one of their songs to the cause! A member of the crowd muttered "meh it's been done", but the ravaging hordes of assorted filth infected DID stop to listen for the duration of the show. It was quite a sight. It brought tears of Dis to our eyes!

    In case you missed the set the lyrics of the song which we now have exclusive rights on for our Cookie marketing campaign were:

    "Fifty Ways to Eat Your Cookie"

    The problem is all inside your head they said to me
    The answer is easy if you take it logically
    I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
    There must be fifty ways to eat your cookie

    They said it's really not our habit to intrude
    Furthermore, I hope the crumbs won't be lost or misconstrued
    But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
    There must be fifty ways to eat your cookie
    Fifty ways to eat your cookie

    You just eat the whole pack, Jack
    Wolf down the whole pan, Stan
    It's seek and destroy, Roy
    Just get yourself full
    There is nothing to discuss, Gus
    You don't need to delay much
    It's better if they are free, Lee
    Just consume them with glee

    They said normal varieties are just plain
    Just don't take home baked cookies in vain
    We wish there was something we could do to make you smile again
    I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
    About the fifty ways

    They said why don't you just munch the whole tin tonight
    And in the morning you be quite lax and certainly not tight
    And they gave me a cookie and I realized they probably were right
    There must be fifty ways to eat your cookie
    Fifty ways to eat your cookie

    You just eat the whole pack, Jack
    Wolf down the whole pan, Stan
    It's seek and destroy, Roy
    Just consume them with glee
    There's nothing to discuss, Gus
    You don't need to delay much
    It's better if they are free, Lee
    Just consume them with glee

    Lyrics by: Filth Poul Psy-chopompman and Barf Speilunckle

    The sound man was actually dismembered by a rogue deep one, so we have no audio unfortunately. No one has seen the deep one since. That is the way the cookie crumbles, if you will forgive me 😀

  • Retired 1103 posts
    Nov. 12, 2015, 1:07 a.m.

    Sonnac had a look through Templar Hall archives, it turns out that there was a previous effort to put cookies on the Map of Funcom.

    From the Imperial Cookie Collective:

    i1383.photobucket.com/albums/ah281/iceneuro/More%20ODO/kitchener5bigodopng_zps9jnquti4.png

    We are trying to find further historical material..... please stay tuned.

  • Retired 60 posts
    Nov. 12, 2015, 12:05 p.m.

    I did some research in an obscure section of the Temple Hall library, and discovered the original draft of "Waltzing Matilda".

    As follows:

    Once a jolly swagman sat by a Filthy pool
    Under the shade of a corrupted tree.
    And he sang as watched and waited till his cookie baked
    You'll come a waltzing matilda with me.

    Chorus:
    Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda,
    You'll come a waltzing matilda with me.
    And he sang as he watched and waited till his cookie baked,
    You'll come a waltzing matilda with me.

    Down came a jumbuck to drink at the Filthy pool
    Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee.
    And he sang as he shoved that jumbuck in his tucker bag
    You'll come a waltzing matilda with me.

    (Chorus)

    Down came the squatter mounted on his thoroughbred
    Down came the troopers, one, two, three.
    Where's that jolly jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?
    You'll come a waltzing matilda with me.

    (Chorus)

    Up jumped the swagman and sprang into the Filthy pool.
    "You'll never catch me alive," said he.
    And his ghost may be heard as you pass by that Filthy pool.
    "You'll come a waltzing matilda with me."

    I went and talked with Gladstone, as there were sketches along with the draft. We have discovered that the translations that modern Australians usually give for the assorted 'Australian-isms' in this song are incorrect.

    For instance, it's obvious that 'billabong' as per the usual, better known song, does not mean 'crescent lake' - somewhere, the term replaced the 'filth pool' in the song. Gladstone and I think this must have been at the same time as when the Billy Tea company modified the song (the origin of 'his billy boiled' rather than the cookie baking). The company must also have changed the corrupted tree to a 'coolibah' tree.

    Even Gladstone did not recognise the creature sketch for the 'jumbuck', but we both agree that such a creature cannot possibly be a male sheep - neutered or otherwise - as Australians claim.

    A tucker bag is claimed to be a food bag, by Australians. If the swagman considered the jumbuck to be food: well. 'Itinerant worker' is the nominal translation for 'swagman', but obviously the swagman is filth-infected at best.

    The squatter - a person farming a plot of land but without official sanction for owning it - comes down to claim ownership of the jumbuck. The sketches of the troopers have a distinctive and quite familiar logo: they're Orochi. Yes, the time precedes when Orochi is a well-known and familiar company, but knowing what we do about the origins of the company, this can be easily reconciled.

    So the squatter's ownership of the 'jumbuck' creature is being reinforced by Orochi troopers, presumably he is farming it for them.

    As for the swagman's apparent suicide, a filth-infected cre- er, former person - jumping into a Filth pool isn't going to cause that much more harm. It's probably just turned him into one of the forms of filth creature that's restricted to a particular pool; which explains the final couplet.

    Neither Gladstone nor I could come up with a precise meaning for 'waltzing matilda'. Australians claim that the 'matilda' is the swagman's swag, or travel pack; and that to 'waltz matilda' is to carry one's pack.
    My current hypothesis is that 'matilda' is indeed a burden - the burden of carrying Filth. And that waltzing matilda is carrying the filth.
    Gladstone disagrees, he thinks it's too literal, and his own hypothesis is much more metaphysical and involves words I can neither spell nor pronounce. If you're curious, I recommend popping in to Temple Hall and discussing it with him in person.

  • Retired 1103 posts
    Nov. 12, 2015, 12:56 p.m.

    Thank you Professor Kleta, I had not considered the cross cultural and possibly anthropomorphic/racial memory significance of our cookie. I will do further research on this. The Templar archives are just so vast, it's hard to cover them on just one bottle of Templarfast (TM) and one bag of Filth cookies as sustenance. Next time I get a carry out, probably Friday, I'll sit down with the luminaries at Temple Hall and have a good ol' chinwag. Gladstone I think was responsible for TemplarFast (TM) production, he felt it would "buckie" up the rank and file.

    On a slightly more modern day note: We have been negotiating with a world renown Director for a possible movie for our cookie Campaign. Still in the early stages and although I cannot reveal much it could be a SCI-FI orientated picture.

    Please stay on this channel, developments are coming in filth and fast.

  • Retired 1103 posts
    Nov. 12, 2015, 2:49 p.m.

    Success! After extensive negotiation, all of which would have failed at one point, we have lift off! The negotiations were very tense but, ahem, got very amicable when I subtly introduced a special variety of our "Spacecookies" flown in from Amsterdam to the high tea lunch meeting. The film is a go and damn, Huston we DON'T have a problem!!

    The marketing poster is Drum-roll Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum :

    i1383.photobucket.com/albums/ah281/iceneuro/More%20ODO/2001-a-cookie-odysseyPNG_zpsvyltrw4s.png

    The Director got very animated at some points after the "high tea" but he lost me at the end sequence, some sort of intense landing with mind blowing mega visuals and I was too befuddled to make sense of this. I'm sure it will be cookie-tastic!!

    He did also say he would consider introducing one of his films that was never seen by the public, we can only wonder at this one! He also insisted on part of the "Spacecookie" franchise as part payment for the film, I hope this is ok with you folks? The "special" cookies will be sold in the film theaters to enhance the experience of the film, I'm sure this will work out, up, down, sideways and transdimensionally.

    I will keep you posted and keep myself pasted.

    Respects

    H.P

  • Retired 60 posts
    Nov. 12, 2015, 5:50 p.m.

    Thank you, Professor Hollo Point.

    You may trust me to study the antipodean areas of Australia and New Zealand. For instance, were you aware that the New Zealand 'rugby' team is called the 'All Blacks', and performs a ritual dance before each game? I am researching the linguistic origin of the term 'Haka' and the significance of this dance....

    Professor Kleta
    Antipodean Studies Department.

  • Retired 1103 posts
    Nov. 12, 2015, 10:06 p.m.

    A fine avenue of investigation suggested there my esteemed colleague.

    I was considering the "All Blacks" title. Could this be a reference to worship of or subservience to the filth? Perhaps certain performance enhancing aspects of filth exposure would lead to better performance on the field of battle? It does occur to me that the ability to tackle and stop any player using enhancing filth pathogens would indeed be incredibly difficult. Said player would be slippy and aspects of the morphing nature (ability to stretch, bend or otherwise proto-shoggoth escape interception) would be incredibly useful in this sport. I will suggest it to the Scottish Rugby team perhaps. I have already packaged and sent off a crate of "Filth Ahoy" cookies to the teams headquarters. Perhaps with the upcoming "Six Nations" tournament there could be some promotional tie-ins to help our cause. I hope they avoid the "Wooden Cookie" this time around though.

    Maybe I have it the wrong way around and the "All Black" name is a victory right after defeating the machinations of previous domination attempts by the minions of the filth?

    On the "Haka" a victory dance for the filth or celebration of cleansing or victory OVER the filth, a battle fought long ago in the mists of time where the schemes of Lilith were defeated by a 15 man team and an odd shaped football?

    This raises some very important lines of study.

    Respects

    H.P (Head of the "Cookie Command Centre" or the CCC for short)

  • Retired 1103 posts
    Nov. 12, 2015, 10:50 p.m.

    And the name of the film NEVER released before is:

    i1383.photobucket.com/albums/ah281/iceneuro/More%20ODO/Oneflewoverthecookiesnestpng_zpspntnpduw.png

    The original prints were being held in the illuminati vaults. I had to go through many channels to get access to this film, so count yourselves very privileged! I think Mr Screed had to hack several billion layers of encryption, but this task was easily performed after I supplied him with some TemplarFast (TM) and a bag of Odyssey Cookies.

    He thought all traces of the film were removed but, I have my ways! Telling no tales, I supplied Miss Kirsten Geary with some full nut filth cookies, I phoned up to ask if she had received the delivery but all I heard from the other end was "Look at the size of those nuts!!" I presume the delivery was successful and she decided to allow Mr Screed access to the illiminati files this one time. He was getting frustrated with his lack of success and needed a few crumbs to follow to keep him motivated.

    Well, that's all from the CCC for tonight! What will tomorrow bring... I wonder!

    H.P

  • Retired 60 posts
    Nov. 13, 2015, 12:10 p.m.

    Allow me a moment of being Jenn, and not Professor Kleta...

    <LAUGHS MY ASS OFF>

    Very well done, Hollo.

    Professor Kleta moment coming soon. She must respond to H.P. with research on the Maori Haka, and has some additional information on Australian Filth Creatures to follow.

    After all, what DID happen to Lassiter's expedition? And why did Burke and Wills' expedition suffer so catastrophically? What is the real significance of the Dig Tree?

  • Retired 60 posts
    Nov. 13, 2015, 10:27 p.m.

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCJVmINmtZg

    Instead of Filth creatures, I found myself discovering a holy Gaian animal. 'Holy' in the sense that it's sacred to the humans of the region.

    The video to which I linked is the dance of the brolga, which is considered to be a dance of great beauty. The native peoples perform many dances inspired by the brolga.

    What is the significance of the brolga to cookies, you ask? Simple. There is a great rarity of (native) cereal grains in Australia. But brolga will eat cereal grains. Where you find a cluster of brolga, you may well find cereals, which means you can find flour.
    Brolga also eat a kind of 'water chestnut', which is not a nut at all, but the tubers of them can be ground and used to make a kind of flour-ish substance.
    Thus, the brolga leads the natives to - you guessed it - the main ingredients for COOKIES!

    Gladstone assures me that Third Age technology must exist on the Australian continent, suitable for converting these meager and not entirely suitable types of flour to proper cookie dough.

    As a side note, here is a link to a modern native dance production inspired by the brolga. www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxnra4q1ElA

    Professor Kleta Tarrel.

    (Jenn pokes her nose in: Do look at the Brolga dance. It's amazing. <rereads> Er, I mean the one performed by humans. Though the one performed by the birds is cool too.)